If Men Got Menopause, It Would Be a National Emergency

We all know, if a man lost sleep, focus, libido, and bladder control overnight, it would’ve been added to the emergency alert system.

Imagine This:

One morning, Todd wakes up drenched in sweat. He didn’t work out. He wasn’t having a nightmare. He’s just... wet.
By noon, he’s forgotten what day it is, cries in a Target parking lot, and snaps at Janet in accounting for breathing too loud.
By 3pm? He’s Googling, “Why do I hate everyone?” while applying lip balm to his suddenly paper-dry skin.
By 7pm? He pees a little while sneezing and tells his wife he’s “not really in the mood” — for the fifth time that week.

If that were a man? CNN would be running a live ticker.
There’d be a federal task force, TED Talks, and probably a pharmaceutical parade down Wall Street.

But when it’s a woman?
We get told it’s just stress. Or aging. Or “have you tried breathing exercises?”

Let’s break down the utter hypocrisy of how society treats menopause vs literally any minor inconvenience a man experiences.

🧻 1. Sleep Loss

If a man stopped sleeping:
He’d be issued a sleep pod, weighted blanket, three prescriptions, and an emotional support Labrador.

If a woman stops sleeping because her hormones are tap dancing on her soul at 2am:
She’s told to “cut back on caffeine” and “take a bath before bed.”

Sir. I haven’t slept in six months and I am the bath.

🧠 2. Brain Fog

If a man forgot his passwords, left his phone in the fridge, and called the dog “Susan”:
It would be a neurological crisis.

But for women?
“It’s probably just mom brain! Or maybe you're perimenopausal. Try a Sudoku!”

No Chad, I don’t need a puzzle — I need someone to research this like they care.

😤 3. Mood Swings + Rage

If a man lost his temper twice in one week?
We’d blame testosterone, stress, the moon, or Mercury retrograde — and then excuse it.

If a woman cries in traffic and screams into a cereal box?
She’s “unstable.” “Irrational.”
Let’s gaslight her with a yoga class and a chamomile tea blend named “Serenity Moon.”

💦 4. Bladder Control

If men were peeing themselves at orange theory?
Pelvic floor therapy would be a Super Bowl ad. Athleisure companies would invent million-dollar leak-proof joggers.

Women?
We cross our legs when we sneeze and pretend everything’s fine while whispering “pee a little” in our group chats.

🔥 5. Hot Flashes

If a man got hot flashes mid-Zoom?
The thermostat would be permanently set to “Arctic Tundra.”
He’d get a personal fan technician and a cold-pressed juice sponsor.

For women?
“Just layer up!”
Oh cool, I’ll just wear 7 shirts I can remove like hormonal Russian nesting dolls in front of my coworkers. Totally fine.

🍆 6. Libido Loss

If a man lost his sex drive overnight?
An FDA-approved miracle pill would hit the market in six minutes. Oh, wait, there's already generics on the market!

When women do?
It’s “normal.”
Just buy some lube and maybe light a candle. The romance will come back. Eventually.

(Plot twist: it won’t. Unless we get help that actually works.)

🤷♀️ 7. Generic Advice Hall of Shame

Here’s what we hear when we finally work up the courage to say, “I don’t feel like myself.”

“It’s just a phase.”

“It’s probably stress.”

“Have you tried yoga?”

“Drink more water!”

“Take a walk, you’ll feel better.”

Meanwhile, a man coughs weird once and there’s a clinical trial with his name on it.

💣 The Point (Besides Venting So Hard My Eyeballs Sweat)

Menopause isn’t some niche little side quest. It affects half the population — and yet it’s dismissed, underfunded, and under-researched.

We need:

Actual medical funding.

Menopause specialists who don’t treat us like we're fragile muffins.

Cultural awareness that doesn’t turn 40+ women into punchlines or wallpaper.

We are not "crazy." We’re not “just getting older.”
We are navigating a massive biological overhaul — while still going to work, raising kids, lifting weights, and pretending to laugh at our husband’s texts.

Final Thought:

If men had menopause, there’d be an entire wing at the Mayo Clinic called The Center for Hormonal Excellence and Comfort.
But we get memes, shame, and a candle that smells like “Stillness.”

Let’s stop accepting less.
Let’s raise hell — or at least raise awareness with a fan in one hand and a dry pair of leggings in the other. 

That's all.